Jokes

I feel like there's too many cameras right now. Like, you go to buy something, and everything's also a camera. They'll be like, 'It's also a camera.' And I'm like, 'I just wanted a grapefruit.'

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I have a website. It's got my e-mail address on it. So now, I get e-mails from all over the country, and people have unbelievable questions. They'll be like, 'Dear Todd, I'm going to see your show in Columbus, Ohio. Do you know how old you have to be to get into that club?' You wanna maybe call the club with that one?'

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At this point in time, that's like saying you're not 'into the phone.'

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I'm afraid of my computer. I know when I turn it off, it's learning new things without me.

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I like a escalator, man, 'cause an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs.

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How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, that"s a hardware problem.

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What did one computer say to the other?
010101101010101010101

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A French maid was tidying up for a wealthy computer whiz. She commented that he had a nice PC. He looked frustrated and said, "Yeah, it's top of the line, but I can't seem to get any programs to start up. You wouldn't happen to know how these gizmos work, do you?"
She replied, "I'm sorry monsieur, I would love to help you, but oh la la, I don't do Windows!"

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Q: What did the baby digital watch say to the mommy analog watch?A: "Look Ma, no hands!"

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Most people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

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A man was mowing his lawn when he heard his neighbor, who happened to be a blonde, come out of her house. She opened her mailbox, looked inside and slammed it shut. She stomped her foot and went back inside. The man thought "how weird."
A few minutes passed and sure enough, the blonde came out of her house again, checked her mail box, stamped her foot and went back inside. The man stopped mowing and checked her mailbox to see what was so wrong with it. After seeing nothing, he went back to mowing just shrugging his shoulders.
As soon as he heard her coming out again, he shut off his mowing machine and went up to her. "What in the world are you doing, coming out here every five minutes?"
The blonde looked up at the man and said, "Well, you see, there's this little voice in my house that keeps on saying, 'You've got mail,' but when I come out here to check, I don't have any."

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