Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling.
She explained, "I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today."
The first student raised her hand to volunteer.
"Marcy," the teacher said. "You may go first."
Marcy replied, "My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny."
The teacher said, "Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next?"
Kevin stood up and announced, "My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie."
"Very good," the teacher told Kevin.
Jeff was next, and he said, "My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no..."
Before he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again.
Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher. The teacher called on little Johnny to go next.
Johnny said, "My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell "accountant."

A teacher asks her students to give her a sentence with the word "fascinate" in it. A little girl says, "Walt Disney World is fascinating."The teacher says, "No, I said, 'fascinate.'"Another little girl says, "There's so much fascination when it comes to sea life."The teacher again says, "No, the word is fascinate."Little Johnny yells from the back of the room, "My mom has such big boobs that she can only fasten eight of the 10 buttons on her shirt."

Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail.Little Johnny says, "De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."

A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers.Salesman: "Can I see your dad?"Johnny: "No, he's in the shower."Salesman: "What about your mother? Can I see her?"Johnny: "Nope. She's in the shower, too."Salesman: "Do you think they'll be out soon?"Johnny: "Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead."

Teacher: "Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, 'geometry.'"Little Johnny: "A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, 'Gee, I'm a tree.'"

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."Mary answers, "He's in my heart."Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this."Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"

Little Johnny runs into his house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?""No," says his mom, "Of course not."After Little Johnny runs back outside, his mom hears him yell to his friend, "It's OK, we can keep playing!"

A new teacher tries to make use of her psychology courses. The first day of class, she starts by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"After a few seconds, Little Johnny stands up. The teacher asks, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?""No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."

The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!"The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence?Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue.""That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white."Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green."The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too."Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?"The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?"Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely sh*t my pants."

Legendarily naughty Little Johnny sat in class quietly as the students were composing a poem with their teacher. When she asked for an F-word that rhymed with "duck" he waved his hand feverishly.
The teacher frowned and passed him by. No kids, however, could offer her a solution. Finally she glared at Johnny and called on him.
Johnny put on his devlish grin and said, "An F-word that rhymes with duck is.... fluctuation."
The teacher blurted out, "No Johnny, that's sucks! I'm so sick of telling you what a little frigging asshole you are!"