Two men named Cecil and Scott live together. One very hot day, Cecil walked into the kitchen and found Scott with his butt up to the refrigerator. Cecil said, "Scott, what the heck is your butt doing in the refrigerator?"
Scott said: "Because I wanted you to have something cool to slip into."

Q. What do call a good cook?
A. A master baster.

Q: What did the nut say to the bolt?A: Screw me.

Q: What's another name for pickled bread?A: Dill dough.

Q: What's the ultimate rejection?A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Q: What's the difference between sin and shame?A: It's a sin to put it in, but a shame to pull it out.

Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers?A: One's a Goodyear; the other's a great year.

Q: What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?A: A cherry float.

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.
After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door."Who is it?" calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.
The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door. "Nice gazongas," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.
After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That"s 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She begins to drool.
The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder"s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That"s 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point.
Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.
He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?"
She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"